Many years ago, Sam announced that “if I turn 28 and I haven’t had a girlfriend yet, I will let my mom take over.” Well, the time has come!
In what seems to have been a last-ditch effort, we’ve recently discovered the following on KXAN:
UT student wakes, finds intruder in bed
A University of Texas students says she woke up to find an intruder in her bed early Sunday morning at the Moore-Hill dormitory.
University of Texas Police are now looking for an Asian male with short black hair who was wearing a white t-shirt and black basketball shorts at the time of the incident.
According to UTPD, the girl woke up around 3 a.m. on Sunday morning to find the man in her room. He attempted to pull the bed covers over her and lay on top her, but she resisted and he left the room when the girl screamed for help.
Earlier that day, the following was on Sam’s Facebook:
We’ll let you put together the pieces to this “puzzle.”
That said, happy birthday, Sam! Hope your mom can find you a girl that doesn’t mind making conjugal visits to your jail cell.
We recently learned that Ochs and Weishan’s first batch of wedding invites got stolen from their doorsteps on their delivery date. Obviously the only person who has motive is Sam Ni. Shame on you, Sam! Find another girl (or man?) to pursue with your insane lust!
Luckily, they managed to salvage this unfortunate situation by having the invites resent to an undisclosed location so Sam couldn’t steal them once again.
In other news, Sam Ni stars in the latest Meatcation 2 trailer:
We’ve all known for a long time that Sam really really likes Weishan. His eyes seem to burn with lust every time she’s around and we suspect on multiple occasions that Sam tries to get Ochs killed in order to get his chance. Now, we’ve been shared a photo that may actually shed some new light on this situation. It seems that in fact Sam has had his sights on Ochs and his eyes have been burning with jealousy not lust…
Word has it on the streets that Sam failed his quota last week. Failure.
On that note, if you want to attract the attention of Lord Samiticus, might I suggest some of these. He has recently forsaken his “face guy” title for “boob guy.”
After living with Sam for a few years, I’ve learned that he has a strong fondness for pigs. When we were recently playing DotA, I was a pig-like hero and was facing Sam. Whenever I would run around, I’d say “oink, oink, Sam, oink, oink!” This apparently made Sam too aroused to play well and so he got very upset and told me to shut up.
This photo came from our BV trip to Seaworld… apparently someone shares the same love of piggies as Sam.
Sam’s playing with my emotions, it seems. Today, we went to get dessert at Chez Zee with TC and Ryan, and Sam said he wouldn’t feed a bite to TC but if “Oliver had asked, I would probably do it. I think I probably have a man-crush on Oliver.”
Also, earlier in the week, Sam confessed that he would have a three-some with me (even though I was not willing to).
With that, I will close this post inspired by the Backstreet Boys, who Sam left playing on the computer next to mine the other day…
Quit playing games with my heart, Sam, with my heart… with my heart…
