Many years ago, Sam announced that “if I turn 28 and I haven’t had a girlfriend yet, I will let my mom take over.” Well, the time has come!
In what seems to have been a last-ditch effort, we’ve recently discovered the following on KXAN:
UT student wakes, finds intruder in bed
A University of Texas students says she woke up to find an intruder in her bed early Sunday morning at the Moore-Hill dormitory.
University of Texas Police are now looking for an Asian male with short black hair who was wearing a white t-shirt and black basketball shorts at the time of the incident.
According to UTPD, the girl woke up around 3 a.m. on Sunday morning to find the man in her room. He attempted to pull the bed covers over her and lay on top her, but she resisted and he left the room when the girl screamed for help.
Earlier that day, the following was on Sam’s Facebook:
We’ll let you put together the pieces to this “puzzle.”
That said, happy birthday, Sam! Hope your mom can find you a girl that doesn’t mind making conjugal visits to your jail cell.
We recently learned that Ochs and Weishan’s first batch of wedding invites got stolen from their doorsteps on their delivery date. Obviously the only person who has motive is Sam Ni. Shame on you, Sam! Find another girl (or man?) to pursue with your insane lust!
Luckily, they managed to salvage this unfortunate situation by having the invites resent to an undisclosed location so Sam couldn’t steal them once again.
In other news, Sam Ni stars in the latest Meatcation 2 trailer:
In 2005, back when Sam Ni and friends lived in The Legacy (which was uber ghetto and uber awesome), Mark and Chad built The Tower of Che-Kang using Sam’s chair as the base.
I was getting ready to tag Sam in some Facebook photos, but it seems like he may have gone emo and rage quitted on his virtual life. This now firmly places Samitic.us as the number one result for Sam Ni on Google. Who needs a Facebook presence from Sam when you can just search for his name and find this 100% accurate authoritative source of all things Sam Ni?
Coming soon are videos from a party Sam attended and some reports of harassment committed by Sam.
We’ve all known for a long time that Sam really really likes Weishan. His eyes seem to burn with lust every time she’s around and we suspect on multiple occasions that Sam tries to get Ochs killed in order to get his chance. Now, we’ve been shared a photo that may actually shed some new light on this situation. It seems that in fact Sam has had his sights on Ochs and his eyes have been burning with jealousy not lust…
Word has it on the streets that Sam failed his quota last week. Failure.
On that note, if you want to attract the attention of Lord Samiticus, might I suggest some of these. He has recently forsaken his “face guy” title for “boob guy.”
After living with Sam for a few years, I’ve learned that he has a strong fondness for pigs. When we were recently playing DotA, I was a pig-like hero and was facing Sam. Whenever I would run around, I’d say “oink, oink, Sam, oink, oink!” This apparently made Sam too aroused to play well and so he got very upset and told me to shut up.
This photo came from our BV trip to Seaworld… apparently someone shares the same love of piggies as Sam.
